A lifts a sarcophagus straight up and removes the lid. A mummy completely covered in wrapping stands there.
M. Get me out. Get these wrappings off! I want to see! A begins to remove the wrappings. M. Faster, you imbecile! I want to see how the surgeries came out. A. Remember, my king, the methods used were over 2,000 years old. We have no way-- M. No excuses! Remove the wrappings! Quickly, I have an itch on my nose. A unravels the mummy's face, revealing a very pale, very dead face. M. Scratch my nose. The other side, idiot. Ahhhhh. Yes. YES! Thank you. Now, finish unwrapping me. A does. The mummy emerges from the sarcophagus, and strikes a Vogue pose. M. Well? How do I look? A. Uhh...the crowd awaits your arrival, my king. They eagerly anticipate your speech, we've all be waiting for your return! M. Mirror. MIRROR! A wheels out a full-length mirror. The mummy is horrified. M. This is...this is not at all what I asked for! What the hell did I pay you people for? I said I wanted light cosmetic enhancements, not a trip to the local butcher house. Look at this (gesturing to their waist)! What is this? I said curvy, this looks like I'm smuggling oddly-shaped melon. AHH! Look at my face! My once beautiful face, I said, rosy, bright complexion. I look, I look-- A. Dead? M. Oh, you think you're real funny, don't you? You just crack yourself up. A. My liege, you died a couple thousand years ago, you're luck you even have skin at this-- M. Silence. I do not tolerate buffoonery! Come over here so I can strangle you with my wrapping, come here! Matter of fact, just strangle yourself with my wrapping, I haven't the time. Do it. A does. Lightly. M. Harder than that! I want to see your face turn red. Show me that rosy complexion I'll never have! A does. M. (back to the mirror) I can't go out there like this. They haven't seen me in two thousand years, I can't let them see me like this, look at me, I don't even look remotely the same. What happened to my bouncy youthful aura that was both endearing and dangerous? Look at these dark patches under my eyes and my cheeks! I wanted slimming, but this just makes me look cheap. Why do I look like a hooker? I can't go out like this, I'll be a laughing stock, a mockery! "What happened to you!?!" they'll scream! "What happened to the ruler we used to know!?!" They'll jeer, "you disgust us!" Ooh, I was warned, "Don't go under the knife" they said, "it won't turn out the way you want." I wish I had believed them, they spoke true. Too bad I killed them for their insolence...Servant, write letter to their families, apologizing for their deaths. A is passed out, unconscious on the ground. M. And it looks like I'll have to do everything myself. Jesus. The mummy begins to walk off. Catches another glimpse of themselves in the mirror. They have a huge butt. M. So that's where are that belly fat went, huh? Well, at least they something right. Stalks off, looking concerned. Black out. END OF PLAY
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